Hi Everyone., it’s Awesome to get in touch with you again in person. If you are thinking to find a friend or to know exactly who your friend is, this is not the post for it. In this post you will know how to classify the people you have around you. And to be honest, this post is not for the people who are lucky enough to get a childhood friend from the birth and still being the best friend. To begin with, I first of all Thank my Dad for transferring his knowledge to me in anything and everything stage by stage. Let’s get in to the topic.
After being with a lot of people and circles in my college life, everyone in everything taught me one thing. None/Nothing is permanent. But what you have with you right now, is assumed to be so until you lose it. Think of the friend, to whom you swore a long time back, telling that he is your best friend forever. Do you at least think about him or be in touch with him now? When days pass, things change with them. Schools change, your location changes and to get a bit more deeper, your character change, your thinking changes, your attitude towards that person changes. Once you come to know a file about him, he is totally replaced by someone else.
Friendship stories began here:
When I joined my school in my late 2nd year, In PRE-KG, I had a companion who shared with me everything from his books and stuff to his evening snacks. We studied together till my half of the schooling. We had a consecutive roll numbers too Every year. Teachers used to tell, “I have been trying to keep them apart. Still there is no way how I can keep them away.”. The only place where we were in distance was in the classroom. We sat in the extreme ends of the class. Teachers always wanted us to sit at that place. Most of the time I spent in school were outside the classroom. So I didn’t mind him being separate. If he was with me, he also might have got out with me. I let him be peaceful. I still remember, when my English mam asked me who was my best friend, I answered his name in fraction. No wonder she gave me such a Smile. Her Smile spoke that I’m talking funny. Yes, she asked if I will do anything for him. Obviously I have a positive answer.
“Will you obey anything he says?”
“Will you give your life for him?”
Pointing at him, she asked him, “Ask your friend to jump from this building”.
He instantly replied, “If you can demonstrate him how to do so, I shall ask him to follow you!”.
He was thought to be the best person in my life and even in family, we were So close. Everything happened to us and we enjoyed the time being unaware how we are going to be apart. That’s another story! He was the best companion in my life. He left the school. Then I too left the school and moved to Kerala. I didn’t have any missings for any of the people who studied with me. Sorry for being So frank. But I missed a very few teachers. I mention it, because I literally hate the rest of them. I do thank the ones whom I hate, without them I would have not gone to MSA.
Friendship as a stepping stone or throwing stone:
In MSA, my 3rd quarter of my schooling came to an End. The year was not so interesting. I knew poor English and nothing in Malayalam. Tamil speaking friends were in minority. There I had a wish to be as a companion of this guy. He was already famous in the school. Everything had his name listed. He studies well and everyone liked Him. I didn’t know how to get in touch with him, when every other person in the school whom I knew hated me. I had a few people whom I called as friends at that time, but they didn’t like themselves to be seen with me. I didn’t do anything wrong to them. But they hated me being with them. I at least try to be with them because when they scold, I get to know a few things that I am supposed to be. When time passed, I totally hated the people around me. None were encouraging me, but they were titled as Friends for me. Time passed, even when people spoke to me, I never believed anyone! How do you feel when you are ignored in a totally new place where you don’t know the Language. None to keep you on track. My parents came to meet me. They didn’t see me normal. Their talk and their sacrifice for me, spending almost Every weekend with me in my school. Getting back to the topic, here I’m happy for them for not getting in touch with me. I understood that the ultimate aim in life was totally different for everyone. Everyone of us had a plagarless Roadmap for our goal. And there is a purpose for the reason we are here. More on this, I shall focus in my another post.
Let me come in your way:
Ok! Companions are needed, In your words the so called friends are important. But to a certain extent. You gotta be selfish too. Throw away everything that you have, look what you have… Just your Soul. And Why not give a preference for your own soul!? When you think about you and respect yourself you will be selfish about yourself. By selfish, here I mean, thinking about your own soul and not the way you look or not what you want or in need. It’s totally for your soul. Though it sounds different, it’s the truth. As the teenage people think that their main asset is a close friend. But to be frank, it’s their key for their own depression.
Let’s be gentle and keep up a limit for our soul with a circle. Then later on have your second circle and then other circles. It’s not mandatory to follow this. But make sure that you are in a constructive bond with the person. I hope you understand what I mean.
Giving space for friendship very late is an Issue:
It’s just around half a year that I’m close with a girl, who has been always hated by my Mother. As every other friends think, we both discussed a lot on How we are going to proceed our life with/without eachother. We had even planned about the day we get married but to someone else 😛 . The plan was totally acceptable. We are to stay for each other and meet when ever it is in need of. We are to speak out everything that happened in the day and sort out the odd things within us. It was all until we came to know or understood more about each other. I had my weaknesses and she too must have had. But, I didn’t mind about the weaknesses. I totally experienced just the positive side and kept moving on with her. She gave the first and the best ever experience in a lot of things. Gradually the number of meets got lesser and everything had an excuse made by her. And I sorted it out clearly that it was all coincidence and we got in touch even more closer. At this point, it was almost the end of my Final semester and I had to think once again on the people whom to keep and whom not to. My Daddie used to tell me, “Only those who are with you in your final year ending will be with you for ever in your life”. Yes I do agree this. Don’t mistake that it is only the people who come to you at that time. It is the people who has stayed with you until your end of college. He knows what friends are and obviously I can follow him in this aspect also. So, when I made a analysis with in the people around me, I found a lot of people and found a small set of people closer and three of them were special. And this one was to be kept the closest, as obviously we tend to fall for the opposite gender. And then I got a thought, “I’m in final year and let’s assume that I have got the best friend for me. But is that the same case for her also? She is yet to reach her final year and in these years she will obviously come through a lot of people and a dozen of boys falling for her. And in that situation, how can I expect her to be the same when she completes her final year? Obviously she will have someone else defined as her best friend”. So, it’s totally a waste of time for me to keep thinking of her. It will obviously hurt me more day by day and finally I have to end up meeting someone new with whom I might get into the same instances that I had with her. It will really ruin my life further. Only thing I could do was to tell her all this directly and I did. After hearing all of my thoughts and logics, she just told me, “If you are desperate about something, you will surely get it”. But I don’t see a point in being desperate and get hurt when things go wrong. So, I decided to know what she feels and finally I understood that there happened something that has already taken me off from that place or may be I am feeling it. Still, it gets worse if I get into such thoughts. When hesitations (ego is a better word) initiated between us, everyday we had fights but end up consoling each other. She herself says, “You have got better things to think and work up on than spending time with me. You aren’t meant to be like who you are now. You are a that.. you are a this… blah blah.. etc”. I get angry when she says this. But thinking out of the box, she was correct. It took a solid month for me to get rid of all these and get back to my normal routine. Still to talk on my self, this month was totally a pause for my progress. Every other Junior and fellow classies told me but I never bothered about this until the moment I started blogging on it. We are still friends and we haven’t broken up. Still I am always available for her. Being her Natasha is always a bliss. Thus, I at least set an example for you to keep your friendship a bit earlier and don’t even try to find one very late in your life.
Get Mature or Fed up?
Your parents will teach you to be selfish from the moment you are out of the college. At least for a person like me, that too from a poor village background, parents teach you the best politics only when you are getting into the society as a Man. Sorry, if this isn’t applicable to you but it is the case for me. Parents will ask you to just focus into your career and it is just as any other parents. Being a single child, they are scared it seems and they ask you to leave your 4 years of people that you earned and get into the society as a fresh piece of shit with no one to support you. May be this is a problem of a lady who was born and brought up in a home of 3 kids and where they had never fought with their each other.
When all your friends are to be kept off, and every ring of your phone is being tracked and every personal message sender is being noted, you are restricted to get in touch with any person personally. What kind of a logic is this? I have seen this in a few girls’ house here after they are either caught for their love affairs or they are caught and put into the 3 knots. We try our best to get rid of those and still try to keep our friends in touch. But, you find no way and whatever you do, you are getting doubted by your own mother. This could be one of the worst feeling that any twenties will experience. At this point, you accept everything and move in the stream and end up hurting your people whom you have earned as your assets. Also you will hurt yourself also. Have you got matured or fed up of fighting? Isn’t something to be thought about!
Emotional Drawbacks? Yes “friends” in my life at least have always been an emotional drawback for me. In any possible way I look into myself, there is more than a dozen of blank (not vacant as I don’t wanna have anyone in that place anymore) places cleared by those who were considered as my friends. This is why I say, have a companion and not a friend. In a world of existing companions, as you will be a tangent to all the circles of people, none will be personally in touch with you and you will have a wide range of contacts to interact with in a productive way. Nothing to worry or overthink about.
Companion vs Friend:
What is the major difference between Companion and a Friend? – Simple. Read carefully! Anyone whom you have around you who lives for you or from you or mostly the both is a Companion. Anyone whom you have in you who either lives for you or from you and seldom the both. This is it. Don’t confuse yourself much with it. Companions have their limits. Friends do not have limits. A companion tries consoling you when you are broken. A friend suffers with you. Now let’s check this out.
Being a Friend will make you feel very comfort to share your ideas and the person will support you for whatever you say or do. In a short run, it is good. But in a long run, most of your ideas emerge and often vanish with in you and your friend itself. I don’t see a constructive progress here. Now think this. Being with a lot of companions will take you out of your comfort zone. You will learn what the world really is and the exposure you get will take you to the next level at least from the present at every moment. A companion doesn’t support your decisions. You have to be smart to know what he insists you to do. You should understand the good and bad and you really feel hectic to have such people. But trust me, people who keep contradictions for your points and help you view your idea in different perspective are the ones whom you have to be with. Your ideas will circulate among different classes of people and thus your ideas have a better probability to get their roots in you. Thus you have a constructive growth in this aspect of companions.
Who is your Friend?
A short and unacceptable answer to the question is, You haven’t earned your friend until you are settled in your life. No offence! I don’t wanna demotivate or discourage you people. Having a friend is really good. But until you find the correct one, you can call them your companion, than as your friend.
What’s the conclusion then? – Anyone can be your companion. You just have to choose them wisely. It is totally your choice. It is like a Prepaid SIM. If you want to speak, you can give/recharge and take what is necessary and you can check your limits. Now who can be your friend exactly? Here I am not taking you to the further complications like, True friend, friend for a purpose or friend with benifits, etc. Thinking for self as a soul, friends will come to you with or without a reason. it is not just your choice, rather they should also feel the same. You are safe when this feeling is mutual. Analogously, friend is a Postpaid SIM. You can do anything and it allows you to do anything until there comes a day on which you will have to pay and sometimes regret for it.
ok., that’s the end! And, I don’t expect everyone to agree to my logic. I know each of us have different thoughts and opinions on anything that we discuss. I haven’t written this to hurt anyone in person. Drop your thoughts, feedbacks and opinions in the Comment Box below. Thank you for your time and patience in reading 🙂